How Addiction Will Destroy Your Love and Annihilate Your Hope

Is He Dying for a Cigarette

Our imaginations drift in surreal ways… perhaps this story is yours.

It’s another busy Sunday morning already thick with heat and humidity. The kitchen island is buried in packing papers. You’re packing up those last-minute annoying items that everyone usually tosses in a bag. You’re nerves are on fire. You’re anxious because you’re closing on your new place in three days. Your partner is out getting more boxes.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. Your partner lunges for the kitchen island, gasping, “I’m not getting any better. I think I need to go to the clinic.”

You knew exactly what he meant. This was not the first event. “No,” you snap. “Don’t go to the clinic. Go to the ER now before we need to call an ambulance again.” Your partner pants out the door and drives himself to the ER.

Hours pass with no word. Suppertime approaches, and you haven’t heard a thing. You pace the kitchen floor. Your legs feel like jelly, your stomach’s in knots, and waves of nausea and dread wash over you.

Finally, around 6:30 PM, the phone rings. Heart pounding, you grab the phone. “The doctors are keeping me overnight to get me back to baseline,” he says hurriedly. You feel a slight sense of relief.

Exhausted, you fall into bed.

The following day, bright sunlight wakes you. Blinking, you grab the clock—10:30 AM! You race to your phone and dial his number. No answer!

Your stomach sinks. Once again, you beg, “I can’t do this anymore. God, help!”

Then suddenly, a shrill ring of the phone finally breaks the silence. A flat, detached voice says, “We transferred your partner to the main hospital.” “What? Who is this?” Your voice is sharp as fear boils over into anger. How can she sound so casual when you don’t even know what’s happening?

The voice explains that she’s from the hospital administration and is calling to let you know he’s stable but will stay for a couple more days.

He’s released in the nick of time for the closing of your new place.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Living with a smoker is one hell of a rollercoaster ride—being chained to oxygen, enslaved to doctors’ appointments, and making the drug store a second home. You’re sad to witness the decline of a once-vibrant person. I’ve explored this topic more in Life Just Slapped Me in the Face.

The constant worry, the financial strain, and the erosion of trust and peace of mind are overwhelming.

You’re unsure where life will take you, especially now that you’re classified as a ‘senior’. But, you’ll either accept that he’ll never change and stay, or leave and find peace because you chose the road to wellness while he took the off-ramp.

By sharing this story, I hope to shed some light on the insidious ways tobacco addiction (any addiction) can destroy a relationship and perhaps lend a glimmer of light to those going through the same ordeal.

Dying for a Smoke

Tobacco smoking is one of the world’s most significant health problems. Millions of people live in poor health because of it. Researchers estimate that every year, around 8 million people die an early death due to smoking.

Secondhand smoke causes over 7,000 lung cancer deaths and over 33,000 heart disease deaths each year in the United States.

Tobacco kills more than half of its users who choose this habit. I submit it’s a choice. Frankly, I’m a little worn out from the cliche, ‘addiction is a disease.’ I want to conclude that smoking is a lifestyle choice developed from habit, maybe even bordering on narcissism.

But in closer research, it becomes evident that addiction shrinks a person’s world to immediate survival and relief. It’s not exactly narcissism, but more like a tunnel vision driven by compulsion. While not inherently selfish, addiction reshapes priorities in ways that can appear emotionally disconnected, more reactive than intentional.

Supporting your body with nutrient-rich foods can help repair some of the damage smoking leaves behind and strengthen your immune system as you heal. I’ve shared my Top 5 Antioxidants for Brain, Heart, and Cell Health for simple, powerful ways to start nourishing your body from the inside out.

How the Brain Works in Addiction and the Path to Reduced Cravings

Increased Dopamine Receptors and Addiction

Nicotine causes a quick release of dopamine, which creates pleasure and reinforces smoking. Over time, the brain adapts, leading to increased tolerance and dependence on nicotine.

Receptors and Cravings

Repeated nicotine use increases nicotinic receptors in the brain. Receptors are like tiny suction cups on the surface of brain cells that draw in nicotine like a vacuum cleaner. More receptors mean the brain becomes more sensitive to nicotine, causing cravings. When nicotine levels drop, withdrawal symptoms like irritability and anxiety occur.

In other words, the more you smoke, the more these little suction cups grow in number. But if you quit, with time, the little suction cups will decrease, and you will not experience the cravings as you would with on-and-off smoking or continuation of smoking.

For a deeper look into how the brain’s chemical messengers work, especially those receptors I mentioned earlier, feel free to check out one of my earlier posts, written when I was just beginning to blog: Compartmentalizing the Brain and the Stigma Attached to the Term Mental Illness.

Habit Formation

Addiction begins as a voluntary behavior. The habit loop involves a cue (trigger), routine (behavior), and reward (pleasure), making it hard to break. Understanding and disrupting this loop can help in quitting.

Cravings Over Time

• First few days to weeks: Intense withdrawal symptoms and cravings. Physical symptoms like irritability and anxiety are common.

• First month: Physical withdrawal symptoms decrease. Cravings lessen in intensity and frequency as the brain adjusts.

• Three months: Nicotine receptors start normalizing. Cravings are less frequent and intense.

• Six months to 1 year: Cravings become occasional and more manageable. Psychological triggers may still cause cravings, but are typically less intense.

• One year and beyond: Most former smokers experience rare cravings, often triggered by specific situations or stressors. Long-term cravings are more psychological than physical.

Developing a Powerful Mindset

There’s a lot of talk these days about the benefits of mindfulness practice, but without a strong mindset, all the mindfulness practices in the world will not fully help.

• Developing a mindset is critical. The ultimate goal is to quit smoking, not cut down—stop. Smoking cessation can bring immediate health benefits, such as better breathing and improved energy levels, and put a halt to new nicotine receptor growth. Fewer cravings!

• Consideration of loved ones. Do you want to be there for them when they need you? This is as important as the mindset. A choice must be made—be honest with yourself.

• Cutting down is not the goal.

• Sneaking around and hiding the habit is not the goal.

• Thinking beyond the nose. Mindful practices are imperative, BUT there comes a time when futuristic contemplation is required. If you’re not looking forward to your health, your finances, and others’ well-being, then you’ll stay in the moment, and smoking cessation will be more challenging. Mindfulness, coupled with the future, must be a mix of thoughts and plans.

Think of it this way—looking beyond the nose:

• If you want a new car, you go to a dealership and look at cars—that’s mindfulness—that’s the ‘now’ (nose length).

• If you want enough money to buy that car, you make plans for it—you save for a down payment and check out various insurances. In a few months, you will have the money for the down payment, the best insurance that fits your needs, and the ability to buy that car—that’s the future (beyond the nose).

My Own Experience

As I write, I think about the old days when I used to smoke. I started smoking when I was 12 and quit around age 20.

But then, one day, I picked it up again…

I couldn’t take a bath without a cigarette—no candles for me, just my dirty ashtray and cigarette sitting on the tub’s edge. I ironed clothes with an ashtray and a cigarette on the board.

And if that’s not all, I raced through town in the middle of the night, on foot, searching for a vending machine—somewhere, anywhere I could buy a puff—just because I ran out of butts and couldn’t wait until morning. I’ve smoked old, coffee-stained cigarettes, wet or dry, who cared? On top of that, I was a weekend alcohol imbiber.

But, I quit!

Why? Because life was becoming hard. I needed to prepare meals, clean my home, work, care for others, and tend to my dogs. I felt sick and exhausted all the time from this lifestyle. So, I simply quit!

Was quitting horrific at times? Yes!

How did I do it? I started planning and thinking more futuristicly. I wanted a better life for myself. I began researching health, wellness, spirituality, and societal beliefs for a more purposeful life.

So, I know the impact of cravings on the brain, but I didn’t understand the ‘why’ or the ‘how.’ I had to make up my mind. I developed a mindset and never had to worry about the price of a pack of cigarettes again or having to stand outdoors in zero-degree weather to sneak a ciggy!

Understanding how the brain works and knowing that cravings decrease over time empowered me. I hope to empower others to improve their health and stop planting the seeds for nicotine receptor growth, and stop allowing their noses to get in the way.

Yes, now, I occasionally have a glass or two of wine or bubbly, but rarely, because I need to feel well to live and carry out my responsibilities.

Have I ever picked up a cigarette since? A flat out, no!

Mindset Strategies

• Visualize your future self: Imagine your life as a nonsmoker. What would that look like for you? Would you have more energy and more freedom? Imagine cravings vanish.

• Positive self-talk: Repeat over and over to yourself every day, “I’m in control of my choices,” and “I’m healthier and stronger without this habit. I don’t need cigarettes.”

• See yourself now as a nonsmoker: Shift your identity from “someone trying to quit” to “a person who doesn’t smoke.” You are no longer that person.

• Get out of your rut: Change your routine. If you smoked a cigarette after a meal, instead go outdoors, take a quick walk to let that moment pass, take a ride, go shopping, and resurrect that image of yourself as a nonsmoker. Remember, you’re in control!

• Hang out with people who support your efforts and goals to become habit-free.

• Stay informed: Keep up with new research on quitting smoking.

For additional insights into how different addictions affect the body and mind, explore the article on the effects of sugar addiction.

Final Inspiration

I could write a list of activities and ways to practice mindfulness to reduce stress when the temptation to light up strikes. But there are myriad websites where you can find this information.

Mindfulness is not enough. What is your ‘why”? Why do you want to quit? What is your goal? Who will you be helping other than yourself?

I am reading an article on Medium.com by Alberto Garcia, a writer I follow, while I’m writing this article. Serendipity? In the article, there’s a quote by a holocaust survivor that is so striking I must include it. I did some research and found that Viktor Frankl did indeed talk about smoking in his book Man’s Search for Meaning.

He observed that some prisoners, facing extreme suffering and hopelessness, would choose to smoke their cigarettes rather than exchange them for food. This act symbolized a loss of will to survive, a sign that they had given up. Frankl emphasized the importance of finding meaning and purpose even in such dire circumstances, as it could impact one’s resilience and survival.

The quote goes like this:

When we saw a comrade smoking his own cigarettes instead of exchanging them for food, we already knew that he had given up trusting his strength to go on and that, once the will to live was lost, he rarely recovered. — Viktor Frankl.

I know there’s a glaring and dramatic contrast in context, but the words are powerfully intense.

Quitting smoking after 55 is possible. It can transform your quality of life. Don’t let age or habit define your future. The choice to quit is one of the most powerful steps you can take for yourself and those you deeply care about.

Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your healthcare provider before making changes to your health routine.